Two of our four children are adopted. One of our adopted children has what is been termed “reactive attachment disorder” or RAD. He lived his life in a Russian orphanage until he was five when we adopted him. During that time, he likely suffered from abuse and severe neglect. He learned to depend only on himself to survive. While we physically and legally adopted him, he rejected the notion of anyone parenting him. He angrily rejected the notion of the family in general including his new brother and sisters. He could never let go and trust us to love him unconditionally, to protect him and to help him thrive. We could not teach him love. He had to experience it, which he did, but he couldn’t trust his life on it even when experiencing it daily. As his father and seeing this brokenness in him, a brokenness that I could not fix broke my heart. That time in my life thirty years ago created a wound that reminds me daily of God’s sorrow over mankind’s rejection of Him.
St. Paul’s theme of adoption still hits me like a ton of bricks even decades after our failed adoption. God offers us adoption (when we accept that God totally loves us and are pleasing him), but we often either don’t or we can’t trust our survival on that offer. We depend on ourselves as our own savior which means we opt to stay alone, independent of others and remain orphans.
So with us; when we were children, we were slaves to the elemental spirits of the universe. But when the time had fully come, God sent forth his son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the spirit of his son into our hearts, crying “Abba! Father! So through God you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son then an heir. Galatians 4:3-7
You did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship. When we cry, Abba! Father! it is the Spirit himself bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God. Romans 8:15-16
We may have been physically adopted in God’s family through the sacrament of baptism, and like our son also legally, but we can also reject that adoption in our heart – the core of our being. If we remain spiritual orphans then, we can’t know how to truly understand and receive agape love, nor can we ever give it to others. It keeps us from a love driven life.
We see the fruit of spiritual orphans in their outward behavior to others every single day. There are many who keep their evil hidden in darkness only exposed until after they die. Their callous hearts allow them to take advantage of others and in doing so wound their hearts, leaving them in turn less trusting and unloved – an unvirtuous, unloving cycle.
Here’s the “acid test” to determine if you are living a love driven life or not. When interacting with someone at work as a co-worker, leader, a client, vendor, or neighbor do you ask yourself – “What does love require of me this instant?” If you are not asking this, ask yourself why you are not.
Forget living a purpose driven life, unless that purpose is to live a love driven life. A life, driven by love is a life that desires to know, love and serve God and to trust that He loves you infinitely and who is heartbroken when his love is rejected by any of his adopted children.
